'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
