Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
