god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
