So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
