maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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