Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
