im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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