is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
