party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
