dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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