So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
