I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
