Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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