I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
