I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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