this beer tastes like vomit already
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
