We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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