the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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