just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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