Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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