If i come over, it means nothing
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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