I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
