I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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