I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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