My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
