I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
