I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
