Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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