chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
