Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
