I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
