Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
