How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
