If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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