I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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