she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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