Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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