(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
