So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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