While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
