The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
