theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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