I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
