Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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