If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
