I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
