I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
