I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
