when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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