If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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