I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize