If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
