you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
