i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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