are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
