did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
