I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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