I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
