I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
