There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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