the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
