Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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