i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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