Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
