Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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