can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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