Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
