When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
