stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
