Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
